Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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