Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
