is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize