There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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