I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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