don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
