Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
