I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
