Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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