a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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