I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
