She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
