Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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