He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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