I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
