fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
