Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
