I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
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we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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