Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
