I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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