I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
