if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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