toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
