It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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