I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
