Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
