so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
