I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
