It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
