i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
