the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
