you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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