it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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