You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
