Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
