you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
