I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
