When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
