im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize