He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
