I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
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did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
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Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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