anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize