dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
