Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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