you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
In America we eat man semen.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
