dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
