A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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