im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
