My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
