all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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