I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I understand Curling. That high.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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