You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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