There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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