My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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