why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
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you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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