You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
