I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
