You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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